HoNeStY

i want to be honest.
i do.
i hope that my blog
can help a few.
i wish i could tell
the world what i am
going through,
but im afraid.
im afraid to hurt the ones
that i love.
im afraid that humanity
will judge.
i guess ill have to wait
to tell the whole story,
because right now is simply
not the time.
i know though that the Lord loves
me. and He loves all his daughters.
He wants me to be happy. and so
i hope that i can help another woman
like me find that happiness that comes
from knowing that the Lord is proud
of her. And that comes from being honest
to herself by saying and remembering
that God's opinion of her, is the only one that
matters.

gRaTiTuDe

my sweet hubby made me banana
pancakes this morning.
they were delicious. AND
i was greatful.
the day before, he wrote me a sweet
note that read:
Good Morning Beautiful,
first off I love you more
than anything or anyone
in the world. You are the
best person that has come
into my life.
I hope you slept well.
(then he proceeds to tell
me where he went)
love ryan <3 crappy
heart but you get the message
right :)
small things like this
help me get through the days
small things like this help
me remember why i fell
in love.
i am greatful dear Lord,
for those small things.

a SmAlL sPeCk Of LiGhT

I can see a small speck of light.
there is hope.
there is hope.
i keep going to these classes
to teach and remind me who i
am and that i CAN be happy.
i want to play again.
i want to flirt again.
a whole year was wonderful.
it was.
what happened?
well, we came to
attention to our weaknesses.
it is hard to fix abuse,
it is.
but i know as a daughter of God,
He wouldn't want me or anyone to
be treated unfairly.
there is one thing i learned from
our class.
A woman who had charity, (the
pure love of Christ) will not
allow her self to be abused.
that is my goal. to overcome
my past by grasping charity
by the hand and letting her lead me.
that is my small speck of light.

wHeRe iS tHe OpTiMiSm?

Where have i gone?
Dear Bree. Please come back.
Dear Marriage, please say you'll stay.
What happened to happily ever after?
what happened to being happy?
what happened to being independant?
what happened to being fearless?
what happened to not being afraid to speak?
what happened to love?
what happened to safety?
what happened to my life?
what happened?
what seriously happened?
WHY ME!!??
WHY ME??!!
i will tell you one thing though.
i won't give up.
i won't give up!
I WONT GIVE UP!
its not my nature too!
but it is the tempters to make me
want to!
I will stick by through and through.
I won't though, be treated unfairly,
abused, misused, treated like dirt.
I want to be respected. I want to feel like
a queen again. I want love back.
i want true love. was it there?
why did you fall for me?
what did you see? why does it matter
im going to be happy with or without
your consent.
im going to kick the butt of sadness
away and go shopping. yes,
blowing money i don't have sounds
WONDERFUL!
i will get something i've always wanted...
PANTS! yes, some lovely pants.
it feels good to decided this..why didn't i
decide this before?
it still hurts...even after shopping.
i hope that time really does fix things though. i really do.
please God, i know your there, please help me
through this time of my life when i feel alone.
uterly alone.
please have some mercy. send me an
angel to make me laugh. to bring me
flowers and chocolate and love.
to tell me its going to be okay.
i am a daughter of God and
no one,
NO ONE,
will or can make me feel
inferior without my consent..
never ever ever again.